Master the Corporate Universe

Most jobs suck, so we asked best-selling author and life strategist Robert Greene how to make them more tolerable. Greene's been a personal power guru to the hip-hop community, movie producers, and the corporate world. And now he talks to...us.

How do you take your boss's job the legal way instead of stabbing him in the neck with a pencil?

Conceal your intentions: quietly gather some dirt on him, like his incompetence or misdeeds. Expose this info to a third party, but not your boss's boss. He gets fired, you look noble, and take over his job.

But what if the boss is actually a kind-hearted soul and well-liked? How do you go about bumping them out of the way?

Indirectly make them unhappy about working at this office. Innocently spread rumors about what people are saying about them. Make them feel insecure. They either leave or try too hard to please and make mistakes.

How do you get a date with the office hot girl without being so obvious about it?

Triangulate, my friend. Seem real interested in her not-so-hot co-worker or friend, or in all of the other girls around her. Stir her competitive juices.

How do you break off an office hook up without looking like an idiot?

Tell her you think they should both quit, get married, not worry about money. Love and romance will see you through the tough job market. She will be appropriately appalled and break it off immediately.

What's the best way to pull off a sick day without jeopardizing your job?

Come to work, act like you have a nasty virus, cough a lot, make frequent mysterious visits to the bathroom, drink strange herbal teas, but seem determined to stay because you are such a good worker. Get them to make you go home and stay there -- for several days.

Now that you've been given this advice, use it sparingly, or risk having sex with the ugliest girl in the office on a pile of herbal tea.

33 Strategies of War Available at PenguinGroup.com